


Ystävänpäivä

by orphan_account



Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: Complicated Relationships, EU, Finland-Centric, Gen, Historical Hetalia, Historical References, M/M, Mentions of Brexit, Modern Era, Non-Consensual Kissing, Non-Consensual Touching, Nordic-Centric, Nordics, Past Relationship(s), Valentine's Day
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-03
Updated: 2019-01-06
Packaged: 2019-07-02 09:10:08
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 17,410
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15793443
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: //The damn phone wouldn’t stop vibrating. Finland snatched it from his bedside table and moved to put in on full silence when he noticed that there was an incoming call from America. He swiped to accept it. America never contacted him out-of-blue, so this could be an emergency – or a prank call.‘Hei, hello, is something the matter?’ Finland sat up, blinking sleep from his eyes. The clock on his phone read seven-thirty. It still looked dark outside, but that was to be expected in February.‘No, dude. I mean I don’t know.’ America’s voice sounded more mellow than usual, quieter even. ‘It’s the card you sent me. I got to say I’m flattered, but I don’t feel that way about you.’//It's February 14th, and in honor of Friendship day, Finland has sent out cards to every nation he has an embassy in. It's just too bad that most countries do not view this particular day as a day to celebrate friendship.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Historical and language notes are at the bottom! No offense is intended in the creation of this work. Given that this is Hetalia, there will be certain stereotypes, of course. Anyway, enjoy! :)

The damn phone wouldn’t stop vibrating. Finland snatched it from his bedside table and moved to put in on full silence when he noticed that there was an incoming call from America. He swiped to accept it. America never contacted him out-of-blue, so this could be an emergency – or a prank call.

‘Hei, hello, is something the matter?’ Finland sat up, blinking sleep from his eyes. The clock on his phone read seven-thirty. It still looked dark outside, but that was to be expected in February.

‘No, dude. I mean I don’t know.’ America’s voice sounded more mellow than usual, quieter even. ‘It’s the card you sent me. I got to say I’m flattered, but I don’t feel that way about you.’

Finland tensed. His heart stopped then leapt to a gallop. He needed to be dreaming. If the most powerful country in the world didn’t think they were on friendly terms…

‘You don’t?’ Finland blurted.                                             

‘No, I’m sorry,’ America said. ‘I just don’t know you that well. Like, yes, you’re cute, and I’d swipe right for those cheeks alone, but I’m not really looking to date anyone. It’d be too political, and I hardly have any free time anyway. I’d make a horrible boyfriend.’

Finland let out a low laugh. ‘Oh, America, I think there’s a bit of a mix-up! I sent you a friendship card, for Friendship Day.’

‘Friendship Day?’ America echoed back. ‘Aww, dude, there’s no such thing. Nice cover though.’ He paused. ‘I don’t have to return the chocolate, do I?’

‘No, it’s for you,’ Finland said quickly. ‘Ah, is that all?’

‘Yeah, I’m sorry for bothering you just about that, but I wanted to tell you, so you wouldn’t just be sitting around all Valentine’s Day waiting for a response. You know, when you said you wanted to be like my father, I thought dad rather than “oh, daddy.”’

‘I did! I totally meant a father figure.’

‘Okay, so like George Michael’s “Father Figure?”’

‘No, more like Michael Bluth to George Michael, _Arrested Development_.’

‘Ew, no! He’s way too clingy. I get enough of that from England.’

‘Well, not exactly like that, but you could come to advice from me.’

‘Yeah?’

‘Of course! I’m always here if you need someone to talk to.’

‘Wow, thanks, dude.’ Another pause and the sound of a microwave beeping in the background. Then America was back. ‘Wait, what time is it there?’

‘It’s like seven-thirty, morning time.’

‘Shit, sorry. I’m such an idiot! I totally forgot about the time difference. I’m in Hawaii right now, so I’m thirteen hours behind you. It’s six in the evening of the thirteenth here. You’re in the future. That _is_ so crazy. Anyway, I hope I didn’t wake you up.’

‘You did.’

‘Oh, my god, I’m so sorry. I’ll let you go then. Good luck, get lucky, bye, Dad!’

‘Okay. Bye bye.’ Finland hung up and breathed out a long sigh. He settled his head against his pillow, but the phone vibrated again. Cursing, he grabbed it. Texts were coming in from all over: Lithuania, Canada, South Korea, Hungary, France…

He opened a text from Belarus and blanched:

_Hey, you dicksucking cunt, I fucking hate Valentine’s Day. And even if I did celebrate it – which I don’t!!!! – it wouldn’t be with an inbred shithead like you, so feel free to dig a deep ditch to die in. Also, if you sent a card to my brother, I will stretch out your balls, chop them off, use them to choke you to within an inch of death, and then skin you alive, so leave us the fuck alone!_

Finland closed the message then texted Estonia:

_you up yet?_

_no, i’m sleeping  :p_

_i did something stupid_

_:( it isn’t even eight yet…_

_you know how today is friendship day?_

_jah, happy friendship day!!! <3 <3 <3 we should hang out!!! <3 <3 <3_

_i’d like that! but the stupid thing i did was send friendship cards to every country I have an embassy in…_

_wait, what? even russia?_

_definitely russia, and sweden, and like 70 other countries_

_wow…you do know we’re like the only ones who celebrate February 14 th as friendship day?_

_yes, yes, i know! but i kind of forgot before. i told you it was stupid! i just wanted to do something special this year, and now i’m so embarrassed. come over?_

_okay, fine,_ _jõmpsikas. i’ll bring sweets_

_kiiti, eesti!!! <3 <3 <3_

 

Finland dropped his phone on his bed, deciding to wait for Estonia before looking at the other texts. Blommägg was still snoring at the foot of Finland’s bed, so he bent to kiss her fluffy, white head and then trotted to the kitchen to start the coffee. Norway was sitting on the kitchen table, legs crossed, in ski pants and socking feet.

‘Morning, Finland,’ he said.

Finland started. Norway’s expression was blank, but then the left corner of his lips flicked up. He pointed at Finland.

‘Your face.’ He lighted off the table. ‘I already started the coffee. The others will be here soon.’ He leant against the counter, and his eyes swept over Finland. ‘Cute boxers.’

‘Uh, thanks.’ Finland felt color creep back to his cheeks. Not because he was in his underwear, but because Norway had drawn attention to it. ‘I guess I’ll get dressed.’

Norway shrugged. ‘If you must.’

‘Are you hungry?’

Norway gazed into Finland’s eyes, his voice silk. ‘Starving.’

Finland blushed harder and ducked his head. Norway was so fucking beautiful. Finland had always been rather dazzled by, and jealous of Norway, with his silvery hair, slim physique, and soft, sexy voice. Norway was the kind of country who just naturally turned heads – Sweden’s included.

Finland forced a smile. ‘Well, there is food in the fridge. Make yourself at home.’

He darted back into his bedroom. Norway’s melodic laughter followed him down the short hallway, but Norway did not move from the kitchen.

Finland wasted a good twenty minutes settling on an outfit. If Norway meant that all the other Nordics were coming over, he wanted to wear something chic. Sweden’s clothes were always so stylish nowadays. It was a little intimidating, but then Sweden had always been rather daunting, even if that wasn’t his intention. Finland was going to go with a grey suit, but then it seemed too formal to wear in his own home. He didn’t want Sweden to think he was dressing up for him. It had to be something classy but casual.

Overwhelmed by his choices or lack thereof, Finland finally settled on blue slacks and a loose white cashmere cardigan over a black _Amorphis_ band tee. He smiled nervously at himself in the mirror. He was wearing Estonia’s colors. He pulled out a music box from the top drawer of his wardrobe and took out a medieval gold cross necklace that Sweden had forced him to wear when they were squabbling kids. He put it around his neck and clasped the chain in the back. For a moment he held the pendant in his fist, then he tucked it under his shirt, so it would remain hidden. Sweden just wasn’t that religious anymore, and Estonia was about as atheistic as one could get. Still the necklace meant a good deal to Finland, as it was one of the first gifts Sweden had ever given him.

When Finland returned to the kitchen, Norway was munching on an open-faced sandwich and sipping black coffee from a mug. Sweden was sitting next to him, his long fingers draped around his own coffee cup. He was wearing a black turtleneck under a peacoat that was the soft yellow of morning light. Ripped, fitted jeans covered his lean legs. Finland swallowed hard.

‘Ah, you’re back,’ Norway said, eyes bright and wicked.

‘Good morning, Fin,’ Sweden said.

‘Huomenta.’ Finland stumbled into a chair across the table from Sweden and made himself a sandwich from the bread, butter, cheese, and cucumbers Norway had left out.

‘I’ll get you coffee,’ Sweden said, rising to his feet.

‘That’s really not necess – ’ Finland began, but Sweden held his hand out to shush him.

‘It no trouble.’ Sweden dropped two sugar cubes into one of Finland’s Moomin mugs and covered them with coffee. This he set in front of Finland.

‘Thanks, Sve.’

Sweden nodded and resettled in his chair. He watched Finland closely. ‘Good?’

Finland took a sip of the coffee and swirled it in his mouth. It was strong but sweet. ‘Yes, Sve, good.’ He put the mug down and tilted his head. ‘So…why are you both here? Not that I don’t want you here, but is there a reason?’

Norway shrugged. ‘Danmark wanted us to meet up. I guess he’ll explain when he gets here.’ He fiddled with his barrette. ‘I think Sve knows, but he’s not telling me. Maybe you could get it out of him. Or we could gang up. You hold him down, and I’ll tickle him.’

‘Norge,’ Sweden warned, sitting up straighter.

‘Or we could just wait patiently.’ Norway yawned and went back to sipping his coffee.

Twenty minutes later, the front door burst open, and Denmark came blowing in with the winter wind. He unbundled and dropped his snow-covered coat and scarf onto the floor.

Norway glared at him. ‘Hang up your clothes, Danmark. You’re embarrassing me.’

Denmark kicked his boots off, sending them flying across the light wood floor.

‘Monster.’ Norway leapt up and gathered up Denmark’s belongings. He shoved Denmark’s coat and scarf onto pegs near the door and placed the boots beneath them.

Denmark grinned at him. ‘Hey, Nor.’

Norway whirled on him and tackled him to the floor. Denmark yelped but then laughed, and they wrestled on the rag rug near the door until Norway managed to pin Denmark.

Lacking the use of his restrained arms, Denmark twined his legs around Norway’s body. ‘Thanks for warming me up, my treasure.’

Norway snorted but his gaze softened. Denmark noticed and took advantage, flipping them over, so he was now on top of Norway.

Sweden cleared his throat. ‘We get down to business?’

‘Oh, I’m already on top of it.’ Denmark ran his fingers through Norway’s hair.

‘Mmm,’ Norway murmured. His eyes slid closed.

Sweden sighed heavily. He looked at Finland for help.

‘They’re kind of cute together,’ Finland said, with a shrug. If he were scandalized by every Nordic dalliance he would have lost it long ago. As it was, he didn’t quite understand why the Nordics considered themselves brothers but also made passes at each other from time to time. It still stung a little that Sweden had entered a personal union with Norway only five years after ceding Finland to Russia – the idea that he could be so easily replaced.

But it was useless dwelling on the past and all its complications. Better to live for the present and its simple pleasures. Finland took a bite of his sandwich. It was tasty: chewy rye bread, smoked cheese, and crisp cucumber.

Norway’s eyes flew open. ‘Is Island coming?’

‘Um.’ Denmark licked his lips. ‘I might’ve forgotten to invite him.’

‘On purpose?’

‘Maybe?’

‘Mmm.’ Norway squirmed out from under Denmark and straightened out his blue flannel shirt. ‘So, what’s this all about?’ He returned to his coffee cup, which he drained and then refilled.

Denmark slowly got up, ‘Wanted to spend All Hearts’ Day with you lot!’

Norway narrowed his eyes. ‘Is that all?’

‘Well…no.’ Denmark shook his head and looked over at Sweden, who shrugged. Denmark hopped from one foot to the other. ‘This is probably premature…’

Norway crossed his arms. ‘Just spill it, Dane.’

‘Okay, okay. We’re all getting married!’ Denmark threw his arms up in the air, a huge grin spreading across his face.

Norway stared at him. ‘What the hell are you talking about?’

‘As usual, Danmark ahead of himself,’ Sweden said, adjusting his glasses. ‘What he’s rattling on about is that there’s pretty big support for a Nordic Union among our respective populations. Majority of Danes and Swedes favor the idea over EU.’

‘Mm,’ Norway said. ‘I don’t like it.’ He tilted his cup from side to side, sloshing coffee. ‘I think you two are just sad you no longer have anyone to boss around, and you want my oil, and Finland’s army.’

Denmark’s mouth dropped open. ‘You don’t trust me, Norge? I thought we were besties!’

Norway set his cup back down. ‘Oh, we are, and that’s why I know you so well. You’ve been crying about not being king anymore since the close of the Kalmar Union, and you, Sve, you’re just sad that I’m suddenly richer than you. Well, you can go fuck yourselves, or each other for all I care. I’m enjoying my independence. It’s good to be free, right, Fin?’

Finland raised his Moomin mug. ‘I’ll drink to that!’

Norway knocked his cup against Finland’s. ‘Mm, sorry I couldn’t give you the mountain I promised. My boss said it was illegal. Damn constitution.’

Finland laughed and waved it off. ‘It’s fine! I didn’t really need one anyway. I’m happy with my hills and bottom of the mountain. It’s like looking up at heaven. Your presence is present enough.’

Sweden raised an eyebrow.

‘Flattered,’ Norway said. ‘But I _am_ giving you a present for your hundredth. It’s just a bit late.’

‘And it’s a sculpture,’ Sweden said. ‘You stole my gift idea, and yours isn’t even done yet. I gave Finland his present already.’

‘Mine may be diamond encrusted,’ Norway said.

Sweden frowned. ‘Mine represent Finland perfectly: simple, elegant, and liberated. And my other present to help preserve the woods is something that is very close to the Finnish heart.’

‘Liberated from you, his conqueror?’ Norway said, smiling wryly.

Sweden’s cheeks went red, and his eyes dropped down to his coffee cup. ‘I…’

‘Whoa, whoa, guys!’ Denmark said. ‘Cheer the fuck up! There’s no need to dredge up old history! We’ve all done stupid shit. In any case, what I’m interested in is the future! If we all became one country, one federation, we would have a lot more power in Europe! With a larger population, we would have a larger say, and our economy would be in the top ten in the entire world! We could even be in the G20! We’d be filthy rich!’

‘I’m already filthy rich,’ Norway said. ‘I have more money than I know what to do with.’

Denmark wrapped an arm around him. ‘Than share your oil with me.’

Norway stared up at him. ‘No.’

‘Oh, come on,’ Denmark said. ‘That oil could have been mine. It should be mine. Give it to me!’

Norway smiled and leaned against Denmark. ‘No.’

‘Okay, okay, fine,’ Denmark said, ‘moving on. Finland, you’re great at making products, but your excessive humility makes you a sucky businessman. I could help with that! If we were one, I’d do all that taboo bragging for you. Tell the world what a great little designer you are! Same goes for you, Sve, Nor. I’m all for helping out my partners! And we could get cozy together all the time! It would be so much fun!’

Finland shifted in his seat. ‘What language would we speak?’

‘Same as the Council probably,’ Denmark said. ‘Swedish, Danish, Norwegian. Sorry, Fin, but no one wants to learn your weird Mongolian language.’

Finland stiffened. ‘My language isn’t weird. It’s Uralic and unique. Your ridiculous language sounds like you’re talking in Swedish but with a hot potato in your mouth.’

Sweden smiled, and took a long sip of his coffee.

‘Whatever,’ Denmark said, ‘you know Swedish, and Ice knows Danish – or at least you should. You’ve both been a little rusty lately.’

‘Couldn’t we choose a language like English?’ Finland said. ‘Something neutral that we can all understand.’

‘No way,’ Denmark said. ‘England would gloat way too much. And part of us getting together as a group would be to talk about how we kicked his ass when we were younger – well, you didn’t, Fin, because you were in hiding in the woods, doing I don’t know what – dark magic, but the rest of us kicked ass.’

Finland opened but then closed his mouth. It was pointless arguing with Denmark, especially about a union that was definitely _not_ happening.

‘Capital city?’ Norway asked. He had finished his first sandwich and was making himself a second one.

‘Oooh, good question,’ Denmark said. ‘I know Sweden would choose Stockholm.’

‘It just doesn’t get conquered,’ Sweden said. ‘Though I’d be willing to compromise with Malmö, or joint Malmö-Copenhagen capital.’

‘Oh, yeah,’ Denmark said. ‘That doesn’t sound bad, at all.’

‘What about Oslo?’ Norway said.

‘No, Norge,’ Denmark said. ‘No one wants to go to boring, out-of-the-way Oslo.’

‘Mmm.’ Norway nibbled on his bread and cheese. ‘This is all too fast.’

‘Agreed,’ Finland said. ‘There’s just so much to take in.’

‘But there’s so much to gain from it,’ Sweden said softly. He reached across the table and took Finland’s hand in his. ‘We could be together again, as equals this time.’ He stared pleadingly into Finland’s eyes, and Finland took in the blue irises behind the black frames.

It was like gazing at a mirror. There was so much they shared, so many memories, both good and bad. They had grown up together, served the same kings and queens, fought in the same wars, slept wrapped in each other’s arms. And maybe Finland had been telling himself he didn’t give a damn about Sweden every night for the last two hundred years, but that didn’t change the fact that Sweden was always on his mind.

The truth was Finland had surrendered to Sweden centuries ago, body and soul. Gradually, he had given himself over until he scarcely thought of himself as an individual. He was just Sweden’s. And so, when the Napoleon Wars went down, and Russia tore Finland away from Sweden, he had torn out Finland’s heart as well. In the years that followed, Finland learned to cherish the freedom that Russia granted him: autonomy, a sense of self after years of full dependence and integration. Still, a part of Finland hated that Sweden had been so quick to give him up – in the same way that he knew Sweden hated the Swedish arch-traitor Cronstedt who had given over the fortress of Sveaborg without a fight.

‘I can’t,’ Finland said, pulling his hand free from Sweden’s grasp. ‘I’m sorry, Sve, I just can’t. It’d be going back in time, not forward. Maybe if we were humans and not nations, we could, but…I need to do what is the best for my people, and I don’t think this is it. How would we even handle the NATO issue in a situation like that? You and I are neutral, not part of NATO, but Tanska, Norja, Islanti, they all are.’

‘You’d have to join,’ Denmark said. ‘And we could all combine our military forces, and we’d have a lot bigger, stronger army! We could even invite the Baltics to join. Fin, I know you love Estland, and he’s been wanting into the Nordics for a while. We would be a big, powerful country, and no one could tell us what to do!’

‘Eh,’ Norway said, ‘sounds rather expansionist.’

Finland nodded. ‘I do love Eesti, but I’m not sure our neighbor to the east would be thrilled about a Nordic Union, especially one involving former…friends.’

‘You’re that worried about Rusland?’ Denmark said.

‘Shhh!’ Finland put his finger to his lips. ‘Don’t say his name!’

Denmark laughed. ‘Why? He’s not Voldemort. It’s not like saying “Russia” summons him or something.’

The doorbell rang. Blommägg came rushing out of the bedroom, barking and growling, fur on end. 

Finland sighed and leapt up. ‘Damn you, Ta.’ He went to open the front door.

‘Привет,’ Russia cooed, removing his gloves and pulling Finland into a tight hug. He kissed Finland’s startled mouth three times, briefly pressing his tongue inside on the last kiss.

Finland stood frozen, replaying the last few seconds in his mind, trying to make sense of them. It was true that in the past Russia used to kiss his friends on the mouth as a matter of greeting – but that really hadn’t been the case since the collapse of the Soviet Union. Finland decided to let it pass this time though. It could sometimes be hard for a nation to keep track of centuries, especially for one who had been around as long and been pushed in as many directions as Russia.

‘Finlandia,’ Russia said, ‘I got your card. So sweet of you to think of me. And you made it yourself, so artistic, so pretty! Such lovely shades of blue. I guess this means you want to be one with Mother Russia, да?’

Finland shook his head slowly. His mouth had gone dry, and Russia’s arms were too strong to wriggle away from. Blommägg had stopped barking at Russia and was now backing away from him, whimpering though Russia hadn’t laid a hand on her or even glanced in her direction.

Russia laughed warmly, squeezing Finland. ‘I’m only joking, of course! I know it was meant as a token of our deep friendship.’

Finland forced himself to relax, leaning into Russia’s embrace. ‘Yes, that’s right.’

‘Anyway,’ Russia breathed in Finland’s ear, ‘I was in the neighborhood, going to buy some sweets and tea and maybe something a little more illegal.’

‘Get your fucking hands off him!’ Estonia came charging through the doorway and glared up at Russia. He had dropped a basket into a snowbank on the way in and now his hands were curled into fists.

‘Yeah!’ Denmark said, from behind Finland. ‘You can’t treat our boy like that.’

Finland looked back over his shoulder. Denmark, Sweden, and Norway were all on their feet. Full on glowering, Sweden stepped forward, but Finland noticed his hands and knees were trembling.

‘Hey, hey, everyone, calm down!’ Finland said. ‘He was talking about cheese!’

‘Cheese?’ Sweden said.

‘Joo, Russia really likes my cheese, but because of the sanctions and all that, it’s kind of illegal, which really sucks for the both of us, because I want to sell the cheese, and he wants to buy it, but don’t hurt him!’

Russia nodded. ‘да, I was talking about good Finnish cheese, and French cheese and Italian cheese, and any kind of soft, delicious cheese I can’t get at home. But since you have company, Finlandia, I will be going – wouldn’t want to intrude on your little meeting. I just wanted to stop by to thank you for the card and to give you a token of my own affection.’ He took out a glossy, brown teddy bear from inside his coat and pressed it into Finland’s arms. ‘Because we both like bears, and it’s cute, and you’re cute.’

Finland held the stuffed toy gingerly. It smelt faintly of tar and fir. ‘Thank you, thank you very much.’

Russia smiled. ‘I hope we can continue to get along. You are most precious to me. I’d hate to see something bad happen to you.’

A shiver passed through Finland’s body. ‘Same here.’

Russia pulled Finland into another lip-locking kiss, pressing his tongue inward again and exploring the roof and back of Finland’s mouth. Russia tasted strongly of vodka, and Finland wondered if one could get drunk through a kiss. Highly unlikely, but anything seemed possible with Russia. Finland squirmed, but Russia’s grasp was firm. Again, Finland relaxed his muscles. It was such a small thing to make a fuss over, and it wasn’t like they’d never kissed before.

Russia caressed Finland’s cheek, a small violation, insisting on intimacy. He pressed their bodies together, brushing his hardened cock against Finland’s thigh. Finland’s thoughts scattered. Maybe Russia really thought Finland wanted to be with him. Finland had turned down Russia a thousand times, in the past often violently, even suicidally, but there had also been moments when he had given in, too worn-out or lonely to resist.

Then a darker thought passed through Finland. This kiss was a warning. If Russia wanted to or if he was ordered to, he could push onward, invade Finland and break him entirely. Finland felt his body clench, but he forced his features to remain neutral. Panic would do no good. Instead, he slowly sank his teeth into Russia’s lower lip, and dug his nails into Russia’s arms through his thick coat. Russia pulled back and held Finland at arms’ length, before finally letting him go.

‘До скорого,’ he told Finland, and nodded at the others.

‘До свидания,’ Finland said coolly.

Russia smiled widely, and his eyes shone. ‘You remember.’

‘Only enough to say good-bye.’

‘As beautiful and ruthless as a русалка.’ Russia shook his head. ‘You take care of yourself.’

‘I will.’

‘Make sure your lover stays out of trouble too.’ Russia jerked his head towards Sweden. ‘He’s been such a nuisance lately.’

Sweden took another step forward and wrapped his arms around Finland from behind. ‘Finland not responsible for what I do.’

‘Oh, I know. It’s you who enjoys poisoning people against me.’ Russia pressed his nose against Sweden’s, breathing in his face and squishing Finland in between them. ‘But I’m sure everything will work out fine if you just stay out of NATO and stop filling my big sister’s head up with nonsense.’

Russia turned away sharply, knocking Finland and Sweden against the white wood siding of Finland’s house.

‘Ukraina can make her own decisions,’ Sweden shot back. ‘Find her own path in life.’

Russia ignored him, choosing to focus his gaze on Estonia instead. Estonia, who was gathering up his basket from the snow, glared up at Russia.

‘Oh, hello, were you here before?’ Russia inquired.

Estonia fumed. ‘I charged at you, remember?’       

‘нет,’ Russia said. ‘But then you’re like a little mosquito buzzing about, a bit weird in winter, but nothing to worry about it.’ He pinched Estonia’s cheek. ‘You should eat more. You’re so skinny. And you could use another layer of clothes. You’re trembling.’

‘With rage!’

‘Of course, of course,’ Russia said, thumping Estonia on the back. ‘Always been in such a temper since you left my house, angry like a little hornet.’

Estonia shook his fist at Russia. ‘Stop comparing me to insects!’

Russia put a finger to his lips. ‘But that is in fact what I see when I look at you. You’re very small, Estonia. It would be wise to remember that I could crush you like an ant.’

‘I’d rather die than live with you again!’

‘And you think you’re special enough that I’d want you back? That’s adorable.’

Estonia’s cheeks flushed a deep crimson. ‘I hate you, Venemaa.’

‘I’m sorry to hear that. It would be better if we stayed friends. I for one wish you a very happy Valentine’s Day.’

‘Fuck you.’

Russia shrugged and strode off down the icy sidewalk, his long scarf trailing behind him.

Denmark stepped forward and wrapped an arm around Estonia. ‘Hey, are you okay, kid? That was kind of harsh.’

Estonia squeezed his eyes shut. ‘I hate him. I hate him so much.’

Denmark pulled Estonia into a full hug. ‘Let’s go inside, okay? I’ll make you hot chocolate.’

‘Uh…okay.’ Estonia gazed up at Denmark in surprise and allowed himself to be led into the house.

Denmark sat Estonia down on the sofa in front of the TV in the living room section of the house’s open floor plan. He handed him a remote. ‘There you go, kid, choose something for us to watch.’

Estonia smiled. ‘Thanks, Taani.’

Denmark smiled back and patted Estonia’s arm. ‘Hey, no problem.’ He went to search the kitchen cupboards for cocoa powder amid a horde of tea boxes and countless bags of coffee.

Finland stayed in Sweden’s arms, only half-listening to what was going on around him. He hardly noticed when Norway took the bear from him. He felt queasy and wondered why he had even woken up that morning. Still, there was no sense in making a big deal out of it. No reason to fuel the fury that was coming off Sweden’s tense body. He shifted in Sweden’s arms.

‘I’m going to brush my teeth. _He_ ’s got really bad breath.’ Finland smiled, trying to treat the incident as a joke, but Sweden still looked concerned and even followed Finland to the bathroom.

Finland brushed slowly, letting the sweet flavor of xylitol and mint overcome his taste buds. Sweden stood close, still watching him.

Finland gargled and spit, put his toothbrush back in its holder. ‘I’m fine, Sve.’

Sweden didn’t say anything, just stared hard at Finland as if he were trying to make sense of his face.

‘ _He_ won’t do anything stupid, not unless we provoke him. Eesti shouldn’t have made such a fuss.’

‘That victim blaming,’ Sweden said.

Finland shrugged. ‘Maybe, but _He_ feels threatened too. _He_ doesn’t like that America has so many bases close to _Him_ , especially so near to St. Petersburg. If we were to join NATO, _He_ ’d feel completely cornered. It would be easy for America and his friends to cut _Him_ off from the Baltic Sea, and thus also the Atlantic Ocean.’

Sweden kicked the tiled wall. ‘Doesn’t give him the right to tell us what to do or touch or threaten us.’

‘No,’ Finland said. ‘No, it doesn’t, and I’m going to have to talk to him about it once he’s sober.’

‘You’re going talk to him about it?’

‘Joo.’ Finland walked out of the bathroom and into his bedroom. Sweden tailed him.

Finland picked his phone up off his pillow. ‘So, I don’t know if you got my card.’

‘Did. It was nice. Blommägg was cute on the cover.’

Finland perked up. ‘Soooo cute, but she always is. She loves getting her picture taken. Total attention whore.’ He unlocked his phone. There were dozens of new texts. ‘So, um, I already told Eesti this, but I sent friendship cards to like everyone I know. It’s kind of a disaster.’

‘A disaster?’

‘Well, it might be a disaster. I don’t exactly know yet. I’ve already got turned down by America as a prospective boyfriend, and threatened with death by Belarus, so I haven’t exactly gotten up the courage to look at the other texts, but maybe you want to look through them with us?’

Sweden nodded. ‘Okay.’

Finland gave Sweden’s hand a quick squeeze. ‘Kiitos.’

They both went back to the kitchen/living room. Finland grabbed a bottle of hard cider from the fridge and slumped down near Estonia. Sweden sat down on the other side of Finland.

‘What are we watching?’ Finland asked.

‘ _Sherlock_ ,’ Estonia said.

Finland raised an eyebrow. ‘Again?’

‘Taani said I could choose,’ Estonia whined.

‘Okay, okay, baby.’ Finland pressed a quick kiss to Estonia’s cheek.

Estonia blushed and touched the wet spot that Finland’s lips left, glanced over at Sweden. Finland followed his gaze. Sweden was glaring. Finland wrinkled his nose at Sweden and stole his glasses, put them on himself. He then took Estonia’s glasses and put them on Sweden, before transferring Sweden’s glasses to Estonia’s face. He wrapped his arms around the both of them, pressing them against him.

‘You’re my two dearest friends,’ he told them, ‘so I’m going to force you to get along, and if you don’t, whoever’s responsible will go straight to my naughty list.’

‘Oh, I want to be on your _naughty_ list,’ Denmark said, winking at Finland. He set a mug of hot chocolate down on the coffee table in front of Estonia.

‘Is everyone going to hit on Finland in front of me?’ Sweden said.

Denmark shrugged and squeezed in on the other side of Estonia near the sofa’s arm. ‘He’s no longer your “wife,” so I don’t see why not. Besides, it’s not like Finland is never the initiator.’

Sweden’s brow furrowed. He retrieved his glasses and dropped Estonia’s on the coffee table.

‘Hey, don’t scratch them!’ Estonia snatched his glasses up and examined them before placing them back on the bridge of his nose.

Norway sat down on Sweden’s lap and wrapped his arms around his neck. ‘We should have an orgy.’

Sweden rubbed Norway’s shoulder. ‘You’re really in a mood, aren’t you?’

‘I haven’t had sex in weeks, and it’s winter.’

‘Eesti is seventeen,’ Finland said quickly. ‘I called him “baby” like baby brother, because he’s a baby!’

‘I am not a baby,’ Estonia said. ‘I’m totally legal.’

‘You’re a minor.’ Finland turned to his fellow Nordics. ‘He’s a minor, and if you make a move on him, I will knife you.’

‘Stab,’ Sweden corrected automatically.

‘That too.’

Estonia groaned and buried his face in his hands. ‘Soome…’

‘So, you’re our Ice’s age,’ Denmark said to Estonia. ‘Cool! I’ve been thinking that Ice needs more friends. What do you like doing for fun?’

‘Well, uh…’ Estonia looked out at Denmark from between his fingers, before dropping his hands back to his sides. ‘I run a blog.’

Denmark cocked his head. ‘About…?’

‘My life and things I like: music, nature, the unusual festivals and competitions Finland and I host, my mochi pets, new tech, video games.’

‘Okay, cool, cool,’ Denmark said, ‘so, what is the craziest thing you have ever done? And I mean craziest, not holding this against you at all. It would be nice for Ice to know some rabble-rousers.’

‘Yes, that’s exactly what Ice needs,’ Norway mumbled. ‘Another bad influence.’

Estonia adjusted his glasses. ‘Well, I was a pirate for a while, before you, um, well, subjugated me.’

‘Oh, yeah, I remember that,’ Denmark said. ‘You were such an annoying brat. You kept attacking and interfering with my trade. Luckily you were still heathen, so I conquered you, and then if I recall correctly my king ended up selling you to the Teutonic Knights.’

‘Yep, that happened,’ Estonia said. 

‘What was it like living with “his awesomeness?”’

‘It sucked, but living with Venemaa was way worse, so.’ Estonia shrugged.

‘Hmm,’ Denmark said, studying Estonia’s face closely, ‘did you have a favorite conqueror?’

Estonia blushed bright red. ‘Rootsi – Sweden definitely. He was the first to start schools in my homeland, and he even promoted literacy among the peasants.’

‘And education is important to you?’ Norway said, looking over.

‘Absolutely,’ Estonia said. ‘I’m an ace student, and my school system is ranked as one of the best in the world.  I’m even hoping to overtake Soome someday.’

‘Keep dreaming,’ Finland said. He popped his bottle open and glugged down the cider.

‘I will, thank you very much,’ Estonia said. ‘My economy is already shooting up faster than anyone imagined, so who knows what strides I’ll make in the future. Actually, you should probably let me into the Nordics now before I become too popular to join you.’

Denmark burst out laughing. ‘Est, you’re hilarious. Want me to grab you a beer?’

‘Uh…sure.’

Denmark jumped up. ‘Anyone else want?’

‘It’s not even noon yet, and Est is underaged,’ Norway said. ‘Do we really need alcohol?’

‘I have juice,’ Finland said. ‘And milk.’ He finished off the cider and put the empty bottle under the coffee table.

‘I’ll have a glass of juice,’ Norway told Denmark.

‘Same,’ Sweden said.

‘Okay, two beers and two juices coming right up.’ Denmark crossed the room to get the drinks from the fridge.

Finland unlocked his phone again. One of the top messages was from Germany. Finland licked his lip and looked to see if anyone was paying attention. Estonia was staring at the TV. The first episode had just started. Sweden was watching Norway watch _Sherlock_.

‘Excuse me,’ Finland said, getting up. He ducked back into the bathroom and closed the door. After peeing, which he did have to do after his coffee and alcohol intake, he sat down on the cedar bench in his presently unheated sauna off the bathroom and hovered his finger over the message from Germany. There were two types of texts that Germany would likely be sending. One, the more probable of the two, would be a curt thank you for the card and perhaps a return of the greeting. The second would be a surprisingly descriptive but often messy sext, which Finland got from time to time when Germany and Italy were fighting, and Germany was well, drunk. Finland never replied to these, but he always read them carefully (even looking up the parts written in German) before deleting them. Taking advantage of a drunken man was unforgivable, but it was flattering knowing that sometimes he crossed other nations’ minds – even when he wasn’t present.

He knew he wasn’t the only one who received such sexts. One time when Japan was visiting his forests, Finland had told him about getting them, and Japan’s cheeks had reddened. He had admitted to receiving similar messages and even confessed that he once ‘accidentally’ sexted back. Finland wasn’t sure how one accidentally sexted back, unless maybe Japan had been drunk too at the time.

‘We never talk about it,’ Japan had said then, sitting down on a bed of moss. He had pine needles stuck in his black hair, which Finland found delightful. ‘And directly after it happened, we couldn’t look at each other for weeks. It was so awkward.’

Finland had given him a sympathetic smile. In the distance, a cuckoo sang.

‘He’s not a bad looking man,’ Japan had whispered then.

‘No, no, he’s not.’

‘You were together for a time. Did you ever?’

Finland had shaken his head. ‘No, I was only part of his empire for like two months, and there was way too much else going at the time. That, and when Saksa’s sober and around people, he’s just a tad uptight.’

For a moment afterwards, Japan had been quiet, absently petting Blommägg. The perpetual puppy had lain her head across Japan’s lap. ‘Italia is such an outrageous flirt. I do wonder sometimes how they get along.’

Finland had laughed. ‘Well, they don’t always, now do they?’

Japan had blushed at that and given just a hint of a smile. ‘I suppose not.’

Finland clicked on Germany’s text. It simply read: **_Call me._**

 

 

 _ **Names:**_  
Estonia – Eesti (Estonian, also commonly used in Finland)  
Denmark – Danmark (Danish, Swedish, Norwegian) – Tanska (Finnish) – Taani (Estonian)  
Finland – Финляндия Finlandia (Russian) – Soome (Estonian)  
Germany – Saksa (Finnish)  
Iceland – Island (Danish, Swedish, Norwegian) – Islanti (Finnish)  
Norway – Norge (Danish, Swedish, Norwegian) – Norja (Finnish)  
Russia – Venemaa (Estonian)  
Sweden – Sverige (Danish, Swedish, Norwegian) – Rootsi (Estonian)  
Ukraine – Ukraina (Swedish)

Flower Egg (Hanatamago) – Blommägg (Swedish)

Translations:  
Estonian:  
Jah = Yes  
Jõmpsikas = Brat

Finnish:  
Hei (Moi, Terve) = Hello  
Huomenta short for Hyvää Huomenta = Morning, Good Morning (Literal translation: Tomorrow)  
Kiiti/Kiitos = Thanks/Thank you  
Joo = Yeah

Russian:  
да (Da) = Yes  
до ско́рого (Do skórovo) = See you soon  
До свидания (Do svidaniya) = Good bye  
нет (Nyet) = No  
Привет (Privyet) = Hi  
Русалка (Rusalka) = Slavic creature similar to a mermaid or siren who lives in the waters or wood and through its enticing beauty lures men to their deaths

Cultural Notes:  
Bragging is considered taboo in all Nordic countries, as well as Estonia and a whole lot of other countries as well. The Danes, however, are known for being more outgoing and being better at business and branding than the Finns.

Both Russia and Finland have the brown bear as their national animal. The bear as a symbol of Russia is known worldwide, and Russians tend to view the animal as majestic. In Finland’s pagan days, bears were held to an even higher regard – they were actually outright worshiped. There was also a taboo among early Russians, Finns, and Germanic tribes that one should not say the true name of a bear out loud lest it should hear you and come after you.

Finland has two official languages: Finnish and Swedish, both of which are mandatory in schools. However, only five percent of Finns speak Swedish as their first language, and most people who learn Swedish at school tend to forget it soon after they leave. Danish is often taught in Icelandic schools.

 

Rundown of Current Northern Relations:  
Nowadays, the Baltic states are very much part of NATO. Estonia is especially vocal against Russia.

Sweden and Finland are not officially a part of NATO, and Russia wants to keep it that way. Given that many of the countries around Russia are NATO and have US troops stationed there, this is kind of understandable. (It’s highly unlikely that America would be happy about having Russian troops surrounding him.) However, Russia’s bullying attitude towards Sweden and Finland – mostly violating air space with war planes, especially Finland’s airspace – has made the duo quite nervous. This has drawn the already close countries even closer together, as they have recently made more defense pacts with each other. Leadership in Finland and Sweden have also brought up joining NATO, though this decision is unpopular among the people. Russia has threatened "consequences" if this should happen.

Russian-Swedish relations have been very poor lately, as Sweden has become a sort of champion for nearby former Soviet states. Russia has even tried to put some blame on Sweden for the annexation of Crimea, because Sweden was in support of Ukraine joining the EU - a move which would put Ukraine in the Western sphere of influence.

For the most part, Finland has tried to keep peace with Russia, since Russia is next door, and is Finland’s second biggest trade partner (after Germany.) Finland does, as an EU member, have sanctions up against Russia, and Russia has sanctions against the West, so that has affected the Finnish economy, especially in eastern Finland. (And Russia has been sad about the whole its-illegal-to-import-Western-cheese thing.)

Last year (2017), Finland celebrated 100 years of independence. Norway wanted to give Finland a mountain for a birthday present, but then the prime minister was like ‘no, that’s against the very first article of our constitution,’ so Norway had to settle for giving Finland a sculpture instead. This sculpture is unfinished or at least unrevealed as of today. Sweden gave Finland a sculpture of a woman on a fly board called “Free Fall.”

In a recent survey, Swedes and Danes preferred the idea of a union of the Nordic Five to the EU. The idea of a Nordic Union has been brought up before, but despite the support, it’s doubtful such a union will come to pass any time soon. Surveyed Norwegians preferred to remain as they are, though they favored being part of a Nordic Union to joining the EU. Surveys were not conducted in Finland or Iceland.


	2. Chapter 2

The phone scarcely rang once before Germany picked up. ‘Oh, thank God. Please, you have to help me.’

‘Okay, uh, what’s the problem?’ Finland shifted nervously on the wooden bench, wondering what could make someone so put together as Germany sound frantic.

‘I fucked up,’ Germany said. ‘I forgot all about Valentine’s Day, so I didn’t get anything for Italia, or have anything planned, and you know he’s already been upset with me – about this and that. Lately, everything’s my fault! So now, this is going to be another thing to fight over, and God, when he puts his mind to it, he _can_ fight – verbally at least. He’s quite cutting.’

‘I see,’ Finland said. Of course, it was Italy-related. Who else could effortlessly turn Germany upside down. ‘I’m sorry, but I don’t know what you want me to do.’

‘Nein, I’m sorry,’ Germany said. ‘I’m a mess right now. I just need to do something special, and I was wondering how after all this time, you and Schweden have kept the love alive.’

‘We’re not – ’

‘Ja, ja, you’re not a couple or whatever,’ Germany interrupted. ‘You just co-own a dog and snuggle together while watching the sunset.’

‘We’re compatible exes.’

‘Well, precisely,’ Germany said. ‘Why can’t Italia and I be like that? If he hates me so damn much, why doesn’t he just leave me alone? And if he does like me, why can’t we get along?’

Finland shrugged. ‘I don’t know. I don’t understand Southern European countries. Maybe you should ask France for advice. He and Italia seem pretty close.’

‘Maybe,’ Germany said. ‘But France would laugh at me.’ He paused. ‘Hey, would you consider asking France for me?’

Finland straightened up. ‘What? Me? What would I say?’

‘You could say you want advice on how to surprise a special someone.’

‘But today isn’t really even a romantic holiday in my country.’

‘So even more of a surprise.’

‘Oh…I don’t know,’ Finland said. ‘It seems a bit like lying.’

‘But it would mean so much to me,’ Germany said. ‘And I’d send you chocolate and those sausages you like.’

‘Mmm,’ Finland said. ‘All right. If it really would help, I’ll see what I can do. Moi moi.’ He pressed the end call button and stared at the wood walls of the sauna, silently chiding himself for giving in. Now he would have to call France and ask for love advice, and he couldn’t imagine a scenario where that wouldn’t be awkward.

Finland left the sauna and the bathroom, plodding once more to his bedroom where he sunk down on the bed. Before calling France, he took a minute or two to play out in his head how a possible conversation might go.

‘Oui,’ France said, answering the phone, ‘I’d love to have a ménage à trois with you and Suède.’

Finland’s lips twitched, and blood rushed to his cheeks. Why couldn’t France answer the phone with a simple hello like normal people? Now his rehearsed chatter was thrown off.

‘That’s not what I’m calling about,’ he thought out loud.

‘Oh, sweet Finlande, are you the jealous type?’ France said softly. ‘I’d be happy to just sit and watch. I would love to see him ravish you.’

Finland stared down at the phone dumbfounded. ‘Ah…okay. I actually called because I wanted to ask you some advice – it’s for a friend.’

‘A friend, mm? Does this friend have a name?’

‘He would rather remain anonymous.’

‘Oh? Is that so? Well, what kind of advice does your _friend_ desire?’

‘Well…if you’ve known a person for a while, and you like them, but at the moment, your relationship is maybe not the best, what would you do?’

There was a pause, and then France said, with an audible smile in his honeyed voice, ‘I’d suggest something exciting to spice up the relationship – like a threesome perhaps.’

Finland cleared his throat. ‘I’m really asking for a friend.’

‘Same answer,’ France said petulantly, ‘though I really wish you would stop selfishly hogging Suède. I’ve been wanting to lick those abs for decades now.’

‘I don’t own Ruotsi,’ Finland said. ‘He can do what and who he wants. So, moving on, I don’t think a threesome would work in this particular situation.’

‘Oh, but you’d be surprised how effective they can be,’ France said. ‘You can release all that earthshaking tension, while also having someone there to make sure you don’t kill each other. Quite an effective tool for world peace.’

‘Unless one of the people involved is a possessive and volatile Italian,’ Finland muttered, before clamping a hand over his mouth. ‘Perkele…’

‘Oh, Finlande, Finlande, did you have a slip of the tongue?’ France said. ‘You really are too dear. Let me guess: Allemagne was too embarrassed to ask himself? He thought I’d tease him?’

‘Laugh at him, but yes.’

‘But he wants to know how to get along better with Italie Veneziano?’

‘Yes.’

‘Appreciation is key,’ France said. ‘Italie is quite a sensitive creature, so he needs constant reassurance that he’s special. Lots of compliments, cuddling, and maybe cooking of his favorite meals.’ France gasped suddenly. ‘Oh, oh! I know what we should do!’

‘We?’

‘ _Oui._ Allemagne is going to host a lavish surprise party with Italie as his honoured guest, and we’re all going to help. Because if we don’t, it will just be sausage and beer and a crying Allemagne by the end of the night, and we don’t want that, do we?’

‘No…’

‘Good,’ France said, ‘so I’m contacting everyone. Come as quick as you can, and see if you can bring your fellow Nordics with you. I’m sure I can make use of them. Suède is marvelously tall, and Danemark might be able to cheer the frown off Allemagne’s face. À tout à l'heure.’

With that, France hung up. Finland stared down at his phone and shook his head. This day was getting more and more bizarre. He got up, stretched, and went back to the kitchen.

Norway was now sitting between Sweden and Estonia, having stolen Finland’s spot. He was munching on one of Estonia’s mayonnaise cookies and seemed completely absorbed in the show.

‘Finny, you’re back!’ Denmark said. ‘You missed the morgue and the riding crop.’

‘That’s okay,’ Finland said. ‘Um…did any of you get texts?’

Sweden pulled his phone out of the pocket of his jeans and nodded. ‘France just texted. Says there’s going to be a party at Germany’s house – tonight. Wants us to help.’

‘Of course, he does,’ Denmark said. ‘We Nordics are world renowned party kings!’

‘After Brazil, Spain, the Italies, the Netherlands, America, Greece, Israel, the UK…’ Norway trailed off, still staring intently at the TV screen.

‘All right, all right,’ Denmark said, ‘but I’d never pass up an opportunity to see Sverige drunk and dancing. All that restraint just stripped away. It’s delicious.’

Sweden’s cheeks turned crimson. ‘Stop it.’

‘So, are we going then?’ Finland said.

‘Of course we’re going!’ Denmark jumped up, yanking a startled Norway along with him. ‘Come on.’

‘Fine, I’m coming,’ Norway said. ‘But I’m going to send Ice a plane ticket. I miss him.’

‘Okay,’ Denmark said. ‘Get us all tickets, hmm?’ He rubbed his cheek against Norway’s.

Norway let out a long sigh and fiddled with his phone. ‘All right. I bought us six tickets to Berlin.’

Denmark squeezed him. ‘Thanks, Norge.’

‘Mmm,’ Norway said. ‘Not going to become a habit.’

‘You said six,’ Estonia said. ‘You bought me a ticket?’

Norway stared at him. ‘I guess I did.’

A huge grin split Estonia’s face. ‘It’s happening! It’s finally happening! I’m going to be a Nordic.’

Norway tilted his head. ‘Consider this a trial run, so behave yourself, Estland, and let’s all get going. Plane leaves in an hour.’

Norway shoved his feet into his boots, amidst a duet of protests from Sweden and Finland that an hour was cutting it way too close, while Denmark chuckled, and Estonia stayed quiet, trying to puzzle out what _Norway_ considered well-behaved.

 

([O][O])

 

Three hours later, Denmark, Sweden, Norway, Finland, and Estonia were all stepping out of the Berlin Tegel Airport and into the car park. A Mercedes-Benz honked at them, and Switzerland stuck his head out the driver’s window.

‘Get in!’ he barked.

‘Wow,’ Denmark said. ‘It’s nice to see you too – for once.’

‘I’m not interested in talking,’ Switzerland said. ‘I only came because France is blackmailing me, and because there’s supposed to be a ton of free gourmet food. So, just get in, and I’ll give you a lift.’

‘What does he have on you?’ Denmark said.

‘It’s blackmail,’ Switzerland said. ‘Why the hell do you think I’d tell you?’

Denmark shrugged and opened the back, climbed in. He smiled at Lichtenstein, who was sitting in the front passenger seat. She smiled back weakly, silently apologizing with her eyes for her brother’s rude behavior.

‘Everyone in,’ Switzerland said, tapping his Rolex. ‘I haven’t got all day.’

‘I’m going to stay here and wait for Ice,’ Norway said. ‘He’ll be arriving in a couple hours, and we can take a taxi over together.’

‘You’re going to spend two hours out here all alone?’ Denmark said.

Norway looked off into the distance mysteriously. ‘I’ll think of something to do, and…I’m _never_ alone.’

‘Okay, creepy.’ Denmark turned to Sweden, Finland, and Estonia. ‘You coming?’

They climbed into the car and had just closed the back door when Switzerland shot off, the wheels of the Mercedes screeching against the concrete.

‘Your car is really cool,’ Estonia told Switzerland.

‘Uh huh,’ Switzerland muttered. ‘I don’t do conversation.’

Estonia nodded. ‘That – That’s fair.’                                           

Switzerland sped through Berlin, glaring at every red light. When he got to Germany’s house, he parked on the street, because the driveway was already packed with vehicles.

‘Well, we’re here,’ Switzerland said. He got out and stormed towards the house. Lichtenstein tailed behind him, looking back over her shoulder to see if the others were following.

Germany greeted them in the entryway and handed out colourful guest slippers to replace everyone’s boots. Finland noticed Germany looked almost as agitated as he had sounded over the phone.

‘You told France, didn’t you?’ Germany said.

Finland smiled sheepishly. ‘I…tried not to.’

Germany shook his head. ‘You’re utterly hopeless. Well, come in, all of you. Hang up your coats and join the fray.’

‘Fray?’ Finland said.

‘France may be perfectly well-intentioned,’ Germany said, ‘but…well, you’ll see.’

As if on cue, shouts erupted from the living room. Germany groaned and pushed opened the doors. Inside, nations were scattered in groups, most of which were infighting, while Monaco was standing on a chair, yelling ‘everyone, calm down!’ at the top of her lungs.

‘Give Hungary back the planner!’ Austria’s shrill voice broke over the others.

‘No!’ This from Romania, who was holding a large, pink binder over his head and walking backwards away from Hungary, Austria, and Poland. ‘My decoration ideas are far superior to hers.’

‘They look ominous!’ Hungary protested. ‘There is no reason to go with black and greys for Valentine’s Day.’

‘It’s black and white and grey with red accents,’ Romania insisted. ‘Classic and romantic but not overdone.

‘It sounds like you’re decorating for a vampire’s ball,’ Hungary countered, ‘not a party for Italia! He’s a sweet boy, a sunny boy. I was thinking a scheme of gold, rose, chiffon, turquoise – and big baskets heaped high with pastel peonies. You agree with me, right, Poland?’

‘Totally,’ Poland said. ‘Your theme is a lot happier.’

‘But,’ Romania said, ‘Italia’s national flower is the lily, which goes great with my chosen colours.’

‘And will make the whole place look like a fucking funeral parlor,’ England grumbled. He was sitting on the sofa stooped over the coffee table, alongside Greece and Japan. They were all writing out place cards, though Greece’s pile was significantly smaller than those of the other two, and he had presently set aside his calligraphy pen to pet one of Germany’s dogs.

 ‘You don’t have a say in the matter,’ Romania told England. ‘You’re leaving us.’

‘And you’ve been in EU for how long exactly?’ England said, rolling his eyes. ‘Eleven years? You’re an EU infant. You don’t know anything. Besides, I don’t need any of you. I’ve been on my own before, and I can do it again. I’ve _never_ needed anyone.’

Sweden moved cautiously towards England, stepping over boxes of champagne and wine glasses that had been laid out on the floor.  

‘Will miss you,’ he said, looming over England.

England looked up startled. A smile made a painstaking journey across his face. ‘I’ll still be there, Sweden. Out in the ocean, like always. You can visit me.’

‘Won’t be quite the same though,’ Sweden said.

‘No, I suppose it won’t.’ England clasped his hands together.

‘Want a hug?’ Sweden asked.

England’s mouth dropped open, and tears brightened his green eyes. ‘Yes…’

Sweden held his arms out, and England stood up gingerly. Sweden pulled England close and rubbed circles on his back. ‘Gonna be okay.’

‘Of course, it is,’ England spouted. ‘I’m better off alone, in control of my own affairs.’

Sweden just kept holding him.

Germany looked away, tssking under his breath.

‘What is it?’ Finland said.                              

Germany shrugged. ‘It’s England’s own fault he’s leaving. I don’t see why he needs to be comforted.’

‘Sve’s just sweet like that,’ Finland said.

‘I guess,’ Germany said. ‘I just hope that others don’t decide to follow in Britain’s ridiculous example and up and leave. We have a good thing going here.’

‘I’m sure that won’t happen.’ Finland looked around the room. ‘Where’s France?’

‘He’s locked in the kitchen with China and Turkey working on dinner,’ Germany said. ‘He left Monaco in charge, but no one is listening to her because she’s a microstate, and because well, they just never listen, period.’ He let out a long sigh. ‘This isn’t going to work. I should just order everyone to leave before things get even more out of hand. No amount of food or flowers is going to fix what’s broken.’

Denmark clapped a hand on Germany’s shoulder. ‘Hey, gloomy, why don’t you take a nice, long bath? Let your worry slide away into warm water, and then when you come out you’ll be in a better mood and more prepared to host a party.’

Germany frowned. ‘I doubt that will help, but I suppose it wouldn’t hurt to try.’

‘And I’ll make sure the house doesn’t burn down in your absence,’ Finland said, smiling.

Germany’s frown deepened, and he eyed the other nations in the room. ‘Who do you suspect of arson?’

‘Ah…it was a joke,’ Finland said. ‘I was joking. I’ll shut up now.’

Germany nodded but gave the room one last glance over before heading off upstairs.

Monaco stepped down from her chair and sunk down into its cushions instead. ‘I give up.’

Hungary and Romania were each gripping onto either side of the binder now, trading insults in their own languages.

Lithuania looked up from his corner, where he and Latvia were folding napkins into napkin rings. He opened his mouth but then closed it again, choosing to express his disapproval solely with a head shake and barely audible groan.

Estonia crossed the room towards him. ‘Who’s in charge of music?’

‘Austria,’ Lithuania said. ‘He somehow managed to hire an orchestra last minute, and he will be accompanying them on his piano.’

‘Oh,’ Estonia said, and then, ‘do you want help with the napkins?’

‘Sure.’ Lithuania moved himself and a box of white linen napkins over, so Estonia could have a spot to sit on the floor. ‘I hope everything turns out okay. It would be great to see Mr. Germany happy again.’

‘Yes,’ Latvia piped in, ‘though I do sort of wish Germany and France would get together.’

Estonia raised an eyebrow. ‘Why’s that?’

‘Well,’ Latvia said, ‘because they’re kind of leading us right now, well, leading the EU, and if they were together, it would kind of like having parents, right?’

‘They’re not our parents, Läti.’

‘I didn’t say it would be exactly like having parents,’ Latvia protested. ‘I said it would be _kind of_ like having parents. In any case, I think France loves Germany.’

Estonia wrinkled his nose ‘Why do you think that? France is throwing this whole party to encourage a renewal of good relations between Germany and Italy.’

‘And sacrificing his own love in the process,’ Latvia said, dreamily. ‘He’s putting Germany’s feelings above his own – an act of true love.’

Estonia laughed and shook his head. ‘You read too many romance novels.’

Latvia glared back at him. ‘It could be true. You don’t know everything, Iguanija!’

‘Boys, please don’t fight,’ Lithuania said. He looked over at Finland, who had started walking towards them but had stopped and was now staring uncertainly at them like a lost and unwanted puppy. ‘You’re very welcome to join us if you’d like, Suomija.’

Finland quickly settled down across from Estonia and set to work folding napkins. He did not know Lithuania and Latvia anywhere near as well as he did Estonia, so it was a bit strange sitting with them. On the other hand, Finland had nothing against the southern Baltic states, and this corner seemed calmer than other places in the room.

Spain was whacking the Netherlands with a feather duster.

‘So, you think mi plumero is useless? What about now? Is it useless now?’ Spain shouted.

The Netherlands took the duster and snapped the wooden handle in two. Spain stared at his broken feather duster, aghast.

Netherlands smirked. ‘We wet dust.’

On the sofa, Greece was still petting Germany’s dog, whose thumping tail shook the floor enough to ruffle the place cards on the coffee table. Sweden was talking to England, or rather he was standing quietly, while England rattled on about the dying art of proper penmanship. And Denmark was trying to convince Hungary and Romania to arm wrestle over whose design should be used, but Hungary didn’t want to touch Romania.

Belgium sauntered in, in six-inch red velvet heels and a black velvet gown. ‘I brought chocolates and balloons.’ She set five boxes and five bags down on the end table.

‘See black and red,’ Romania said. ‘Classy.’

‘What colors are the balloons?’ Hungary asked.

‘Red, rose, and white,’ Belgium said.

‘I can work that into my design,’ Hungary and Romania said over each other.

‘Drinking competition?’ Denmark suggested.

‘Yes!’ Romania said.

‘No!’ said Hungary.

Latvia perked up. ‘I want in.’

‘You don’t even have a design,’ Estonia said.

‘I’ll drink on Hungary’s behalf,’ Latvia said.

‘No,’ Estonia said.

‘It could be a grand romantic gesture,’ Latvia said.

‘Definitely not.’ Estonia took Latvia’s hand in his.

Latvia beamed up at him. ‘You do care.’

Estonia rolled his eyes. ‘I just don’t want you to embarrass yourself.’

‘You care about me being embarrassed,’ Latvia said.

‘Sure.’ Estonia dropped Latvia’s hand and refocused on the napkins.

Finland felt eyes on him and turned. Sweden was staring at him from across the room. After Finland finished folding the napkin he was currently working on, he stood up and went to Sweden.

‘One glance, and he’s gone,’ Estonia muttered.

Finland felt heat rise to his eyebrows, but he ignored Estonia.         

‘I think it’s sweet,’ Latvia half-whispered. ‘I wish I had a relationship like that.’

Estonia shrugged. ‘Soome’s always been the lucky one.’

By then, Finland had reached Sweden. He smiled up at him quizzically.

Sweden wrapped an arm around Finland. ‘Going outside.’

 

_**Names:** _

Estonia – Iguanija (Latvian)

Finland – Finlande (French) – Soumija (Lithuanian)

Germany – Allemagne (French)

Latvia – Läti (Estonian)

Sweden – Ruotsi (Finnish) – Schweden (German) – Suède (French)

 


	3. Chapter 3

Outside it was quiet, calm. Sweden scrutinized the house, still holding Finland close.

Finland leaned his head against Sweden’s shoulder. ‘What are we doing?’

‘Thought we could decorate the exterior.’

‘Sounds good. What did you have mind?’

‘Lights,’ Sweden said, ‘maybe flowers. Candles in the windows. Germany has a shed in the back?’

‘Mmhmm.’

‘Gonna check that for lights and things, but we probably have to go to store.’

‘Okay.’

Finland let Sweden lead him to the back of the house. He liked how Sweden’s arm felt around him, the nearness, the closeness, the warmth of Sweden’s body, the familiar scent of his skin. He took Sweden’s gloved hand in his and was rewarded with one of Sweden’s subtle smiles. They had to separate to search the shed though. Sweden found a string of white lights and set them aside, while Finland unearthed a few large, carved wooden hearts.

‘We could put the lights and hearts together,’ Finland suggested.

Sweden nodded and ran his fingers over the wood. ‘Could do with a little sanding, but I suppose we don’t have time for that.’

‘No,’ Finland said. ‘Party is supposed to start in.’ He checked the time on his phone and sucked his breath in. ‘Three hours.’

‘Tight schedule,’ Sweden said. He took the hearts and lights and brought them to the front of the building. ‘Where should we put them?’

‘We could take two and put them on either side of the door.’

‘Like this?’

‘Joo, joo, looks good.’

Sweden nodded. ‘I’ll go get a hammer.’ He strode back to the shed.

‘See if there’s an extension cord there too while you’re at it,’ Finland called after him. ‘And tacks.’

‘Bossy,’ Sweden said.

Finland grinned. ‘You like it.’

Sweden made no verbal reply, but he brought back a hammer and nails, as well as an extension cord and tacks.

Finland took the latter two items. ‘Thank you.’

Sweden nodded and proceeded to drive nails into Germany’s house on either side of the door.

Finland pursed his lips. ‘Do you think we should have asked Germany before we put nails in his house?’

Sweden frowned at the nails he had just finished ramming in. ‘Too late now. Need ribbon. Be back.’

Sweden went into the house, taking the extension cord with him to plug it in.

Finland looked over the grounds. The grass lay yellowed and naked scattered with brown, rumpled leaves. Not the most romantic of sights. Finland peered up at the sky, which was cloudy but motionless. The day was cool but not as cold as Finland would hope. Still, he could work with this. Finland started to sing. It was a song of frost and snow that he had learned a long time ago, and whose words had not fully escaped him over the years. The air around him grew steadily colder. A large flake hit his forehead, and then another, and another. While he sang, more clouds rolled in, bigger and heavier. Snow covered the dry grass of Germany’s gardens. Finland sang until his feet were buried, until the snow had inched its way up to his ankles. Beautiful, clean, lacy white snow. He paused to take a few breathes then continued on.

The snow came down fast, frosting the gardens on either side of the stone path leading to Germany’s door. It missed the automobiles but patterned itself in diamonds on Germany’s roof, like icing on gingerbread. Only when the snow had reached his knees did Finland stop. He leaned against the house, his head lolling to the side. His panting breath smote the air like chimney smoke.

Sweden came out with red ribbon and looked around. ‘You made it snow.’

Finland nodded slowly.

‘It’s beautiful.’

Finland smiled and straightened up, kicking himself free of the drift. ‘Thank you. I thought maybe we could fashion two snowmen holding a heart between them.’

Sweden put ribbon through the hole in one of the hearts.

‘That’s awfully romantic of you,’ he said.

Finland looked down at his boots. Snow had gotten into them, and his feet were wet and cold.

‘You probably think it’s a stupid idea.’

‘No. It’s cute.’ Sweden hung up the first heart. ‘Look okay?’

‘Joo.’

Sweden nodded and did the same to the second heart. He glanced over at Finland, who gave him the thumbs-up. Finland took the string of lights and plugged it into the now active extension cord. All the lights came on.

‘Thank Woden for German maintenance,’ Finland said, beaming.

Sweden smiled back. Finland spiraled the lights inside the borders of the first heart, tacked them to the wood. Then he led the string under the doorstep and lit up the second heart as well.

‘Pretty,’ Sweden said.

Finland stepped back to get a better look. ‘It is.’

Sweden wrapped his arm back around Finland. He kissed his cheek, then the corner of his lips, paused. ‘You’re freezing.’

‘I’m fine.’

‘No, you’re shaking. You should go back inside.’

‘But the snowmen…’

‘I’ll build them for you.’ Sweden pulled Finland back into the entryway of Germany’s house. There he knelt on the floor and carefully slid off Finland’s boots. He peeled off his soaked socks as well, took off his own gloves, and rubbed Finland’s feet.

Finland gazed down at Sweden, at his fogged-up glasses and windblown hair. Those long, calloused fingers tenderly touching him.

‘I love you.’

Sweden lifted his face towards Finland, his stare intense even through the misted glass.

‘What you say?’

‘I…I’m good now, but thank you.’ Finland let out a sharp laugh. He stepped backwards away from Sweden and hit the wall. His breath hitched.

Sweden stood up. Finland avoided his gaze, choosing instead to focus his attention on a blob of lint on his cardigan. He picked it off and let it fall to the floor. It was possible that Sweden hadn’t heard the words. After all, Finland had said them rather softly, and Sweden had always been a bit hard of hearing. And maybe that was for the best. Maybe it was selfish to make declarations of love when one couldn’t commit to them. Finland watched Sweden’s retreating back. He let out a long sigh when the door closed between them.

‘I knew it.’

Finland whirled. Estonia was behind him, hands in his trouser pockets.

‘You still looove him,’ Estonia said. ‘You want to kiss him, get under him, or over him, or well, you already had him on his knees.’

Blood fled Finland’s face. He pressed his palms against the wall behind him to steady himself. ‘Eesti, Eesti, shut up.’

‘Why?’ Estonia advanced on Finland. ‘What’s the big deal? You like him. He likes you.’

‘I can’t,’ Finland said, ‘I can’t deal with this right now. Need candles. Sve wanted candles in the windows.’

‘And you want to make Sve happy,’ Estonia said, ‘because you _love_ him.’

Finland put his hands to his ears. ‘Can’t hear you.’ He pushed his feet back into slippers and rushed off to the kitchen.

‘Soome, stop! Come on, I’m not done teasing you.’

Finland didn’t slow down. He burst into the kitchen.

‘Santa!’ China exclaimed. ‘I mean…Finland.’

‘Finland?’ France said, whirling around from where he was stationed at the stove. ‘He’s not allowed in here!’

‘I just need candles,’ Finland said. He opened a drawer and took out a box of long, red tapered candles; candlesticks; and a lighter. ‘I’m not going to touch your culinary masterpieces.’

France stood protectively in front of the oven and stove. ‘You’d better not.’

Turkey, who was mincing onions, merely shook his head.

Only China appeared welcoming. He smiled and took Finland by the arm. ‘How are you? How are my pandas? How did Christmas go? You weren’t too overworked, were you?’

‘I’m good,’ Finland said. ‘Your pandas are doing fine. Christmas was lovely. Russia helped, so that made things easier. How have you been?’

‘I’ve been doing all right,’ China said. ‘Aches and pains, but that’s what happens when you get to be my age. I’ll probably stop by your house on my way home. I’d like to at least check on the pandas.’

‘Of course,’ Finland said. ‘The pandas are doing well though, I assure you. They’re being closely monitored and appear to be both healthy and happy. They’re enjoying the snow. I’m still surprised and honoured that you have entrusted us with such a treasure. I hope that it will strengthen our long-standing friendship.’

China smiled. ‘Oh, you’re sweet! You should come see me some time. Actually, I was wondering if maybe next Christmas you would pay me and my siblings a personal visit? It would mean a lot to me, and I would make you lots of good food!’

‘Ah? Joo, I could do that. Maybe I could come a little earlier in December, so I don’t have to rush the visit?’

‘Yes, yes! Whatever works for you.’

‘Wonderful! Thank you for inviting me. I’ll be sure to brush up on my Mandarin.’

‘That’s not necessary,’ China said. ‘You should speak in Finnish. It’s such a magical and Christmas-like language.’

‘Ah, okay, but then we really wouldn’t understand each other…’

France cleared his throat. ‘Finlande, mon cher ami, if you do not leave this room this instant, I shall slice off your head and turn you into a mouthwatering entrée.’

‘Consider me gone.’ Finland darted out of the room.

Estonia was waiting outside. Finland ignored him, instead concentrating on putting candles in the two windows in the hallway. He flicked on the lighter, touched it to the first candle. A blue and yellow flame shot up. Finland moved on to the second candle.

‘So, you two are back together?’ Estonia said.

‘We’re friends.’ Finland went from room to room, lighting candles in all the windows, with Estonia at his heels.

‘Come on, you can tell me about it,’ Estonia said. ‘I’m you best friend! Are you secretly back together? Do you just want to keep it quiet because you’re scared it will complicate international relations or something?’

‘Sve and I, we’re…good friends.’ Finland climbed the stairs and traipsed into Germany’s room. He gave the room a thorough look over: dark wood bedframe, dark wood wardrobe, mostly bare walls with a big window. It appeared pragmatic, perfectly suited to someone like Germany, though Italy, with his artistic tastes, might consider it bland. Still, Italy had spent a lot of time in Germany’s bed before. He probably didn’t hate the room.

Estonia crossed his arms. ‘Good friends don’t stroke each other’s dirty, wet feet, while gazing adoringly up into their eyes.’

‘What about very, very good friends?’ Finland opened Germany’s wardrobe and took out a charcoal grey suit. He lay this out on the bed, along with a crisp white shirt and a burgundy silk tie.

‘No,’ Estonia said. ‘Not even very good friends.’

Finland said nothing. He chewed on his lip and opened a drawer in Germany’s end table. He took out a pair of ruby cufflinks, which Italy had given to Germany as a birthday present some decades ago. These he set on the top of the table.

‘Well, maybe,’ he said, ‘Sve’s in love with me.’

‘Oh, Soome, that’s cold,’ Estonia said. ‘That’s freezing.’

Finland yanked open Germany’s underwear drawer. He took out black boxers and black socks and threw them on the bed.

He smiled at Estonia through gritted teeth. ‘Have you ever been in love?’

‘I think you would know if I had been,’ Estonia said. ‘But that’s beside the point. I’ve never seen Rootsi’s face go all mushy-gushy when he’s not looking at you. So, either you love him too, or you’re stringing him along. It’s one or the other.’

Finland turned to a pillow and heatedly fluffed it up. He was going to hit Estonia with it, but then it seemed an altogether childish thing to do. And it wouldn’t even hurt. A candlestick, on the other hand, but no. Why did he want to hurt Estonia? Finland’s heartbeat was escalating. His hands had curled into fists. He wanted to break something, burn the house down. He crossed the room and tied back Germany’s curtains, so they wouldn’t catch fire.

Estonia followed him over. He leaned towards Finland, with eyes bright and hard as diamonds.

‘If you don’t want to be his boyfriend, I think you should tell him. And give him some distance, so he can move on.’

‘Move on?’ Finland repeated. His chest felt tight, and there was a dull ache in his abdomen.

‘Move on,’ Estonia said. ‘Get over you. Find someone else.’

Finland turned away, towards the window, but it was not facing the front. He couldn’t see Sweden, just deep mounds of snow and glistening iced branches of skeletal trees.

‘I don’t want to lose,’ he said.

‘Lose what? Is it a game to you, Soome?’

‘No. I don’t want to lose him…or myself,’ Finland said. ‘I, I guess what I’m trying to say is I want to be my own person, but also, the most important person in his life.’

Estonia was quiet for a moment. ‘You should be telling that to him, not me.’

‘I know,’ Finland said. ‘But sometimes I don’t know how to tell him things without hurting him, and I’m also scared if I open up to him, if I trust him, as fully as I once did, that someday, my heart will be broken again. Sve’s a good man _. He is,_ but there are so many things we have no control over.’

‘Damn,’ Estonia said. ‘You are – something.’

Finland turned back to him. ‘What do you mean?’

‘I mean life sucks,’ Estonia said. ‘It sucks! Nations don’t stick up for each other, not when it really matters, not if we have nothing to gain from it. We backstab and betray and let others suffer, so we don’t have to. At least, you have someone who loves you, someone who has stood by you for the most part, even if it wasn’t always official. And now you’re still holding onto him, either because you love him, or because you just don’t want to be alone. But it doesn’t seem like you’re being wholly honest with him, or yourself.’

‘Oh.’ Finland’s lips trembled. He sunk down onto Germany’s bed and buried his face in his hands. ‘Do you think I’m a bad person?’

‘No, I don’t think you’re a bad person,’ Estonia said, ‘just that sometimes you can be brutally oblivious. You let Rootsi hold you close. You let him caress you and cancel plans for you, come to your defense. You bring him up to an emotional climax, then pull back, because you’re too scared to label your relationship or whatever. And I don’t understand, because if Sweden– if someone cared for me the way he does you, I would hold fast to that, and not play fast and loose with his feelings.’

‘You hate me,’ Finland said. He dabbed at his eyes with the sleeves of his cardigan.

Estonia opened his mouth but then snapped it shut again. His gaze swerved to the opening door. Germany came in. His hair was still wet from the bath, and he was only wearing a towel.

‘Did you have a good bath?’ Finland said numbly.

‘It was all right,’ Germany said. He looked at the clothes on the bed. ‘Oh, thank God. Thank you.’ He looked between Finland and Estonia.

‘It’s nothing,’ Finland said. ‘I’ll leave you to change.’

He raced out of the room and had gone half way down the stairs when he noticed that Canada and America were standing together at the bottom, between the stairs and the front door.

‘There are three things worth living for,’ Canada was saying, ‘hockey, maple syrup, and love.’

‘Love?’ America said. ‘Must be the French in you. Valentine’s Day is just a big crappy “fuck you,” unless you are one half of a couple.’

‘Well,’ Canada said, ‘I actually promised to spend some time with the Netherlands, so we might take off before the end of the party.’

‘Aww.’ America said, shaking his head. ‘Canada, you’re so romantic. All I’m planning to do tonight is to take advantage of the low drinking age and drown my troubles in potent German beer.’

‘Well, maybe you’ll hook up with someone,’ Canada said.

‘Maybe,’ America said. ‘Oh, hi, Finland.’

‘Hei,’ Finland said. He had finished descending the stairs.

America reached out and touched Finland’s cheek. ‘Tears. You’re crying.’

‘It’s nothing.’

America took hold of Finland’s wrists, his grip strong and stabbing. ‘It’s not nothing. Who hurt you? Was it Russia? Do you want me to punch him for you?’

‘What?’ Russia said, peering out from the living room. ‘Why are you punching me? I thought we were getting along…’

Finland glanced over at Russia. It was a little surprising to see him there, but maybe France had invited him, or Turkey, or Hungary, or even China perhaps. It didn’t matter.

‘You hurt Finland!’ America thundered.

‘He didn’t,’ Finland said. ‘That’s not why I’m crying.’ 

‘Oh.’ America blinked. ‘Is…it about me? Because I said I couldn’t date you?’

‘No, I was never looking to date you. I sent out friendship cards to everyone I have an embassy in.’ Finland wished America’s grasp was not so tight. He wanted to wipe away the tears that were trickling down his cheeks.

‘He did,’ Canada said. ‘He even remembered me.’

‘Why wouldn’t I remember you?’ Finland said. ‘You’re like the god of hockey. It’s pretty hard to forget a god.’

Canada’s face froze for a couple seconds. Then he blurted out, ‘I – ah – thanks!’

‘That still doesn’t explain why you’re crying, Finland,’ America persisted.

Finland shook his head. ‘I got in a fight, with my best friend, on friendship day!’

Russia perked up. ‘You and Estonia were fighting? What about?’

‘I…I’d rather not say.’ Finland stared blurry-eyed up at America. ‘How did you get here so fast? Weren’t you just in Hawaii?’

America dropped Finland’s wrists. ‘Yeah, I was, but Tony flew us over.’

Finland rubbed his eyes. ‘Tony?’

‘His extraterrestrial friend,’ Canada said.

‘Extraterrestrial?’ Finland looked up and down the hallway. ‘Is Tony here?’

‘Nah,’ America said. ‘He would have stayed, but he had a date.’

‘Oh,’ Finland said.

Canada chuckled and elbowed America in the ribs. ‘It’s kind of funny that your alien friend has a date, and you don’t.’

‘Whatever, dude,’ America said. ‘I could get a date if I wanted to.’ He turned to Finland. ‘Where’s Germany?’

‘Upstairs, getting dressed.’

‘Are the Italies here yet?’

‘I don’t think so.’

‘What about England?’

‘He’s in the living room.’

‘Thanks.’ America clapped Finland on the shoulder and scampered off.

‘Are you going to be okay?’ Canada asked Finland.

Finland nodded. ‘Joo. I’m just going to take a walk. Clear my head.’

‘Okay. Well, let me know if you need anything. Tissues, chocolate, a mediator.’

‘Thanks, but I’ll pull through. I’m sure you and America must have your spats.’

‘Oh…we do.’

‘Yo, Canadia,’ America yelled from the living room, ‘get over here. England wants a hug.’

Canada grimaced. ‘Coming.’ He nodded at Finland. ‘See you later.’

‘See ya.’ Finland waited for Canada to turn his back then grabbed Germany’s car keys from the hook near the door. He pushed his feet into Denmark’s boots, because his own boots were still wet. He also stole Denmark’s coat. The boots and coat were big on him, but manageable.

He went back outside where Sweden was putting stone eyes on the heads of two rather robust-looking snowmen.

‘Sve,’ Finland said. ‘Sve, come with me.’ He held out his hand.

Sweden turned, startled. ‘What is it?’

‘I want you to come with me. It’s…we need to talk.’

Sweden’s brow furrowed. ‘You’ve been crying.’

‘Yes, I do that sometimes. Come with me?’

Sweden clasped his hand over the hand holding the keys. ‘Only if I drive. Not safe to drive when you’re upset.’

‘Okay.’  Finland surrendered the keys and waited for Sweden to unlock the sedan. He climbed in when Sweden opened the front passenger door for him.

Sweden started the car. ‘Where we going?’

‘I don’t know. Anywhere we can be alone.’

Sweden drove away from the suburbs, away from the city. He said nothing, and Finland stared out the window in silence. Sweden drove them into a forest, parked the car on the side of the road. He looked at Finland, expectantly.

Finland still didn’t say anything. He breathed in and out and listened to the thumping of his heart. His phone vibrated. A new text. From Sweden.

_Are you injured?_

‘No,’ Finland said out loud. He studied a lichen covered oak. Lichen was non-parasitic, so the tree was not suffering. The lichen just wanted a place to call home. But the tree did not need the lichen. It had done fine before the lichen came along. It could make do without it. And the lichen too, it could find somewhere else to grow, like the ground or a rotten log, away from blue skies and the splendor of the sun.

_Are you breaking up with me?_

Finland read the text once, then again.

‘Would you like me to?’ he said.

Sweden’s fingers hit his phone. _No._

‘I’m not sure I can give you what you want…’

_Want you._

‘That’s sweet, Sve, but I meant in terms of a relationship. What are you looking for? I don’t think we’ve ever talked about that, or even exactly what our relationship is.’ Finland ran his fingers over the chain around his neck, moving from one gold link to another.

Sweden made no reply. Finland swallowed. This was too hard. Maybe he should just laugh it off, tell Sweden to drive back to the house. But you can’t really stop half way when plunging off a cliff.

‘Maybe I’ll start? I can tell you what I’m feeling.’

 _Okay._ Sweden took the key out of the ignition. He set it on the dashboard and stared at Finland.

‘Joo, okay,’ Finland said. ‘Well, it’s like this. I like you, a lot. A lot a lot. You’re my neighbor, and you’re my good friend, and you were my first love. But I didn’t really have a choice back then in our relationship. You stated that I was your wife, and that was that. You never asked me, but you were kind, and we were stronger together. Little by little, I learned to love you. You became ingrained in me. Your words in my language. My blood in your veins. Your ideals, your desires, your fears, they all became mine, and I was yours. Then Russia took me.’

Sweden let out a sound half way between a grunt and a growl.

‘And Russia was good to me,’ Finland continued quickly, ‘but I couldn’t believe it at first. Couldn’t believe that after six centuries of unity, we were suddenly over. It’s silly, but I thought we would be together forever.’

Another vibration, another text: _I did too._

Finland smiled at Sweden but then turned away. ‘I tried so hard to forget you.’

_Tried to forget you too._

‘And how did that go for you?’ Finland said. ‘Because I’ve found the more you try to forget something, the more it keeps coming back to you. Or at least, when it comes to getting over you, I can’t.’

Sweden set his phone down. He unbuckled his seat belt and pushed the armrest back. He reclined the passenger seat until it was horizontal and climbed on top of Finland. His body was heavy with muscle, but he balanced himself perfectly, so that he did not put too much weight on Finland.

‘I want ya,’ Sweden said, soft against Finland’s ear. ‘Any way I can have you. We don’t have to get married, or even live together if ya don’t want to, but I want you.’

‘And you’ll be happy?’ Finland said.

Sweden nodded. ‘So happy.’

His fingers moved to the chain that Finland was still clasping. He pulled out the gold cross and raised his eyebrows. ‘You still have this.’

Finland laughed hoarsely. ‘You never gave me a ring.’

‘You want a ring?’

‘No, Sve. I don’t need a ring, or a _proper_ engagement. Traditional marriage is dying out anyway, especially in our homelands. But maybe we could cohabit together, take turns living in each other’s houses. It’d make more sense economically, environmentally…’

Sweden let the chain fall. ‘I’d like that.’

‘You would? Really?’ Finland said. He gazed up into Sweden’s cerulean eyes.  ‘There isn’t someone else you like more? You’re not just holding onto me because of history, or some feeling of obligation? Because I’m independent now. I can make do on my own. Not that I want to be entirely alone, but – ’

Sweden’s fingers swept into Finland’s hair, dragging him up into a long kiss. It was warm and wet and welcoming. Comforting as a hearth during a blizzard, and sweet as midsummer strawberry cake.

Finland relaxed into the kiss. His lips parted. His hands clutched the back of Sweden’s shoulders, drawing him nearer. Sweden’s fingers dug deeper into Finland’s hair, tightening their grasp, pulling. His hips ground against Finland’s. Finland bit down on Sweden’s bottom lip, released, bit down again. Sweden tasted so good. He could eat him, consume him until he alone had Sweden, hidden somewhere deep down.

‘You won’t leave me again,’ Finland said, when Sweden lifted his head up and back to breathe.

‘No,’ Sweden rasped. ‘Couldn’t. You always here, in my head, my heart. I love you, Suomi. Am yours.’

Finland felt his last token defenses fall away. ‘I love you too, Sve.’

‘I know.’ Sweden’s eyes glinted. ‘You already told me.’

His voice was dangerously confident, as if he had the whole world in his grasp and not just Finland. His hands stole down and underneath Finland, squeezed his ass.

‘Sve,’ Finland said, jolting back to reality, ‘this is Germany’s car.’

‘And you’re mine,’ Sweden murmured.

Finland nodded slowly. ‘But we’re not going to have sex here.’

Sweden let out a low, protesting whine.

‘Sve, every time we’ve ever had sex in an automobile you’ve gotten hurt. You’re too tall.’

‘We were never sober,’ Sweden said. ‘And it was always worth it.’

‘Not for me,’ Finland said. ‘Ta thought I was beating you up. Remember the summer of 1973?’

‘Did it more than one time that summer.’

‘June, late June. I gave you a standard bend over blow job from the passenger seat, and you managed to hit your head on both the ceiling and the steering wheel.’

Sweden lowered his eyes. ‘You give great head.’

‘And I will continue to give great head. Just not in metal contraptions bent on your destruction. But we don’t necessarily have to go directly back to Germany’s house. We could maybe get a hotel room. After all – ’

But Sweden needed no further explanation. He was already up and in the driver’s seat.

 

([O][O])

 

 

Boots and coats discarded, Finland took Sweden’s hand. He had them fall backwards onto the huge, hotel bed. Their bodies hit the mattress and bounced. Finland grinned at Sweden. He sat up and pulled Sweden fully onto the bed, straddled him. He tugged on the collar of Sweden’s turtleneck.

‘So tight,’ Finland said. ‘Your jeans too. Must be uncomfortable now.’

Sweden blushed and nodded.

‘Hmmm.’ Finland inched Sweden’s shirt up, kissing the skin he revealed: Sweden’s waist, which made Sweden shiver, and then his infuriatingly perfect abs. Finland trailed his mouth over Sweden’s abs again and again, moving slowly, slowly upwards. He stopped when he got to Sweden’s nipples. These he touched with his fingers first, rubbing then tweaking, until Sweden was biting back moans. Finland wrapped his lips around one and then the other, sucking and nipping. At the same time, he rubbed against Sweden’s erection.

‘You’re wicked,’ Sweden hissed.

‘Just tell me what to do, and I’ll do it,’ Finland teased.

Sweden stammered out something inaudible.

‘I didn’t quite get that,’ Finland said. He nuzzled his face against Sweden’s chest.

‘Want you to…’ Sweden trailed off.

‘Want me to what?’ Finland kissed Sweden’s exposed collar bone. He slid Sweden’s shirt off over his head and dropped it onto the floor. He took off his own cardigan and shirt and let them fall too. He smiled sweetly at Sweden.

Sweden reached down and undid the button of his own jeans.

‘Oho,’ Finland said, ‘let me help you with that.’

He slipped down between Sweden’s legs and unzipped the jeans, tugged them and Sweden’s briefs off, let them join the shirts on the floor. He liked seeing Sweden naked like this. Sve had such beautiful legs – and a divine cock.

Finland held it in his hand, stroked the shaft, stroked the balls. It had a nice weight to it. It was hard, but the skin was soft, smooth. Finland kissed and licked from the base upward. He put the tip in his mouth, moved up the shaft and then back down again –up, down, up, down –head bobbing. He twirled his tongue around the tip, delighting in Sweden’s stifled moans and drawn out breaths. He reached down and freed his own dick from his slacks, started touching himself.  

Sweden came first and quickly, with a late warning and an apology. Finland swallowed, smiled. Sweden pulled him up against his chest. His long fingers took over pleasuring Finland, caressing him until he came and then cleaning him with a warm, wet facecloth. Finland rested his head on Sweden’s chest, over his beating heart. They rested for a while like this, lost and light-headed in the aftermath of their orgasms.

After what might have been fifteen minutes or an hour, they stirred and showered together. Finland rinsed his mouth out a few times and chewed on a piece of gum that he found in Denmark’s jacket pocket. Then they redressed and got back into the car. Sweden let Finland drive this time. They stopped at a market and picked out roses. When they got back to Germany’s house, Norway and Iceland were standing on the porch.

Finland jumped out of the car and ran up to them.

‘Ice!’ Finland hugged Iceland tightly.

‘Oh my God,’ Iceland said. ‘I literally saw you last week.’

Finland let go of him. ‘I love your jumper! Is that Mr. Puffin?’

Iceland blushed bright red. ‘It’s just a puffin. It could be any puffin.’

‘Did you do this?’ Norway asked Finland, waving his hand at the thick snow.

‘I…I might have,’ Finland said.

Norway nodded. ‘Thought so. England’s spells always have messier results, and Romania would have added icicles. Hmm. Where’s Danmark? And why are you wearing his coat?’

‘He’s inside,’ Finland said, ‘and mine was wet from the snow fall.’

Norway nodded and headed indoors, Iceland trailing behind him. Sweden and Finland stayed out a while. They finished the snow men, and sculpted vases out of snow as well, put the roses in them – deep red contrasting with bright white.

‘It’s quite romantic,’ Finland said.

Sweden nodded and kissed Finland’s lips gently. ‘We make great design team.’

‘We really do!’ Finland squeezed both of Sweden’s hands in his. He swung them back and forth, feeling ridiculously happy.

France walked out. He looked tired, but his face lit up when he saw the roses sticking out of the snow. He clapped.

‘Très bien! Oh, it’s lovely. But when did it snow?’

‘Probably when you were slaving over the stove,’ Finland said.

‘Well, I am happy,’ France said, ‘the forecast just said overcast, didn’t mention a snowfall.’

Estonia came running out of the house. ‘Soome! Soome! Where did you go? I texted like a million times, and I went looking for you, and…I’m sorry I snapped at you. So sorry. So very, very sorry. I don’t what came over me. Jealousy, I guess, but I have no right to tell you what to do with your life. Can we please still be friends?’

‘Of course. It’s forgotten.’ Finland pulled Estonia into a close hug. ‘You might have actually done some good. Sve and I talked about our relationship, and we both want to continue to be close.’

‘That’s great,’ Estonia said. ‘Fantastic.’

‘Mmm hmm,’ Finland said.

‘Oh, that’s so wonderful,’ France said. He hugged Finland and then Sweden, lingering a little on Sweden. ‘Congratulations on whatever it is you’ve got going.’ He let go and looked at his phone. ‘The Italies should be here soon.’

Denmark poked his head out. ‘Hey, Sve, Fin, Est, we’re playing games in the living room if you wanna join.’

‘Sure,’ Finland said.

In the living room, America and Russia were playing blindfolded Twister. At the moment, Russia was over America, their faces mere centimeters from each other. Hungary was filming the scene on her phone. Japan was beside her, his mouth in a perfect ‘o.’

‘You’d better not fall down on top of me,’ America told Russia.

Russia smiled demurely. ‘You fall first, you don’t get hurt.’

‘Yeah, that’s not happening,’ America said. ‘I’m not losing to you at Twister.’

‘Why not? You already lost the space race.’

‘Nuh uh. You did. You never got to the moon.’

‘So? Who wants to go to big, powdery dust ball. I got first man in space, first woman.’

‘Whatever, dude.’ America moved his left hand to the ring space on the mat. ‘You’re just trying to make me lose my concentration.’

‘Oh, does a simple game like this take much concentration on your part? No wonder you always lose at chess.’

‘I don’t always lose.’

Russia licked his lip. ‘I bet you look really cute right now.’

‘Wha-what?’ America stumbled backwards onto the mat.

Russia smiled and stood up, removed the blindfold. ‘I win!’

‘You cheating bastard,’ America said. He yanked off his own blindfold and jumped to his feet, flashed his Hollywood smile. ‘Okay, so who wants to play truth or dare?’

Everyone exchanged glanced. Playing truth or dare with America was sometimes like entering an interrogation chamber. He could just get a little intense. Especially around Russia.

‘Don’t we know enough about each other already?’ England said dryly. He was still on the sofa, but he seemed to be done with the place cards and was now having tea.

‘Well, what about “Who am I” then,’ America said, ‘except we act out each other instead of celebrities.’

‘Oh, that sounds bloody terrific,’ England said.

‘Yeah, it does!’ America grinned.

England groaned.

‘Okay, okay, so I’ll start,’ America said. ‘And then whoever guesses right can go next. Ready, set, go!’

America took a step backwards and widened his eyes. ‘Me? Why would you suspect me? I am not the type to meddle in other people’s elections, or conduct espionage –’

‘It’s me,’ Russia interrupted. ‘You’re trying to imitate me.’

‘Wow, you’re good,’ America said. ‘And shameless.’

‘If you say so,’ Russia said. ‘It’s still kind of funny how your boss is my boss’s fanboy.’

America stuck his tongue out at Russia. ‘Boo you!’

Russia shook his head. ‘America, you’re very immature, and I don’t want to play your stupid game.’

‘Fine, you’ll skip your turn,’ America said. ‘So, I go again.’

‘No, I don’t want to hear your loud voice,’ Russia said. ‘I’ll elect someone to take my place. Hmmm.’ He looked around the room. ‘China, what about you?’

‘Aiyah,’ China said. ‘I don’t want to play America’s stupid game either.’

‘But you’re so cute,’ Russia said, ‘and have brilliant acting skills.’

China blushed. ‘Well…I suppose I could give it a shot.’

Russia smiled. China closed his eyes, looking thoughtful.

‘Wow, the old man is actually going to play a game,’ Hong Kong said, drifting out of a corner and settling down near Iceland.

‘Shut your mouth, little boy,’ China scolded.

Hong Kong rolled his eyes but smiled at Iceland. ‘You seem cool. I think we should be friends.’ He took Iceland’s phone, tapped in the correct passcode, and put his number into Iceland’s contacts. ‘Call me some time, babe.’

‘Uh, ah, okay,’ Iceland said. ‘But what if instead we take off now and grab drinks?’

Hong Kong jumped up. ‘Even better.’

‘Wait, Ice,’ Norway said, ‘you just got here!’

But Iceland and Hong Kong had already walked out the door.

‘Children,’ China said, smiling sympathetically at Norway.

‘They grow up way too fast,’ Denmark put in.

 ‘And they’re always so ungrateful afterwards,’ England added.

‘And then your house is empty, and you’re all alone,’ Russia lamented.

‘Wow,’ America said, ‘you guys are a bunch of buzzkills.’

France came rushing in. ‘They’re here! The Italies are here. Someone, go fetch Germany!’

Denmark leapt up and charged up the stairs.

Latvia blinked up at France, teary-eyed. ‘You poor, poor soul.’

‘Mmm?’ France said.

‘You’re such a romantic,’ Latvia said, ‘but you can’t be with the one you love, because you are so hell bent on making him happy!’

Estonia blushed for Latvia.

‘Oh?’ France said.

‘He thinks you’re in love with Germany,’ Estonia said quickly. ‘Which is absurd.’

‘Well, Germany’s not, not my type,’ France said, laughing. ‘But I wouldn’t go as far as saying I’m in love.’ He patted Latvia’s head.

Latvia burst out sobbing. ‘You’re so brave!’

France stepped back. ‘I, I’m going to go check on the Italies.’

But it was just then that a sullen-looking Romano came in, on Spain’s arm. The two of them sat down together on the sofa, and Spain offered Romano sweets and sweet nothings. Italy entered next. He was dressed chicly in a tailored lavender blazer and black chinos. He moved smoothly through the room, throwing out greetings: an enchanting smile and easy ‘ciao.’

Germany came in. He looked smashing, but anxious. His clasped hands were shaking. Italy spotted him, and his demeanor immediately changed, hardened.

‘Deutschland,’ he said coolly.

‘Italia,’ Germany said, and gave a slight, stiff bow.

France whimpered and hugged a throw pillow. Finland sucked his breath in. He gripped Sweden’s arm.

‘Are you mocking me?’ Italy said.

‘No, I’m trying to pay you respect,’ Germany said.

‘Since when have you respected me?’ Italy said. ‘You think I’m an idiot. You think I’m a lazy, weak, disorganized idiot.’

‘That’s a bit of exaggeration,’ Germany said.

‘You think I am a careless spendthrift with feathers where my brains should be, and you think you can boss me around forever!’

‘Italia…’ Germany groaned.

‘What? Isn’t it true?’ Italy said. ‘You never respected me, and relationships are built on mutual respect, so we can’t have a relationship!’

Germany threw his hands in the air. ‘Then why did you come?’

‘The food,’ Italy said. ‘I am planning to have an excellent dinner, with or without you.’

‘Well then, by all means, eat!’

‘I will, thank you.’

‘You’re impossible.’

Italy smiled. ‘I will take that as a compliment, as you’ve already bequeathed me with enough insults to last until the end of eternity.’

‘Ja, ja.’ Germany seethed.

‘It’s too bad we couldn’t be together,’ Italy said, sliding down onto Denmark’s lap. ‘Because we were a nice balancing act. I was fun, and well…you weren’t.’ He turned Denmark’s face towards him and kissed him.

Denmark pulled back. ‘Um, I’m sorry. I know I have a bit of a reputation, but Germany is my friend, and I don’t want to be used as a tool to make him unhappy.’

‘Oh,’ Italy said. ‘Oh, of course. No, I’m sorry.’ He stood up quickly. ‘That was horrible of me.’

Denmark nodded.

‘Maybe we can try to all get along?’ Finland suggested. ‘At least, for today.’

Italy nodded. ‘All right. I think I can do that.’ He turned back to Germany. ‘I’m sorry for being such a dick.’

‘Apology accepted,’ Germany said.

France quickly directed them all to the dining room where a sumptuous feast was laid out. Most of the food looked Italian, but there were dishes from other countries as well. Nothing Finnish that Finland could see, but he wasn’t expecting anything either.

‘Oh, it’s beautiful,’ Italy breathed. ‘So much pasta.’

Germany pulled out the chair at the head of the table where Italy’s place card was.

Italy smiled slightly and sat down. ‘Thank you.’

‘You’re perfectly welcome,’ Germany said. He sat down on the chair right of Italy.

Everyone else took their places. The meal went by smoothly, the excellent wine seeming to even out otherwise textured conversation. Canada and the Netherlands did manage to leave early. As did Hungary and Austria, who slipped off before dessert. France and England made it as far as the coat closet. Still, Latvia insisted that France was only trying to distract himself from his breaking heart.

‘Where did Lithuania go?’ Finland asked Estonia, after dinner when they were back in the living room, sitting on the floor and petting Germany’s dogs. Other nations had gone to the ballroom where they were dancing to old and new love songs. Even Sweden was there, partnered with an insistent Denmark, but Finland had wanted a break.

‘According to Latvia,’ Estonia said, ‘he went off with a short grey man with scary red eyes – named Tony? I think. I don’t know.’

‘Oh,’ Finland said. ‘Do you know if Lithuania knew it was a date?’

Estonia shrugged. ‘I have no idea.’

Finland nodded. ‘It’s been a weird day.’ He leaned back against the front of the sofa.

‘Mm hmmm.’ Estonia rubbed Berlitz’s soft, furry belly. The retriever’s tail thumped.

‘Eesti?’ Finland said hesitantly. ‘I was wondering something…’

‘Ja?’

‘Do you hate me sometimes?’

Estonia started. ‘Why would you ask that?’

‘You were so angry earlier,’ Finland said, ‘and then when I said that you hated me, you didn’t deny it.’

‘Ja, because Germany came in then. Besides you said it was all forgotten.’

Finland nodded again. ‘Okay…but do you sometimes?’

Estonia sighed and wrapped an arm around Finland. ‘We’re family. It’s kind of our job to hate each other sometimes, but you’re dear to me, Soome. You’re my favorite.’

Finland rested his head on Estonia’s shoulder. His eyes fluttered shut. ‘You’re my favorite too.’

‘You going to sleep?’ Estonia said.

‘Joo. Wake me if there’s an apocalypse, but give me an extra five minutes. I could take on zombies in my sleep.’

Estonia chuckled. ‘All right. Will do.’

 


End file.
